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For those of us who've been abused, "love at first sight" isn't sexy, it's scary.

That's why "love at first sight" scares me sh*tless.

Then I fell in love with a man because all we did was laugh and get along—and we are still together.17. We should look for someone who will stick around and discuss what’s wrong, and then is willing to work as a team to come up with a plan to fix it.18. A sense of reciprocity, or “give and take,” is critical to a healthy relationship.

We must be willing to make sacrifices now and then.

Make the decision that you will leave if there is any sign of abuse.16. It is also important to have “ease” in a relationship—while at the same time, understanding that no relationship is perfect or easy all the time.

Compatibility comes from both sharing similar traits and from having tolerance and patience (see number 10) for your partner’s differences. I used to look for romance alone, and it never worked out long-term. Love avoidants want to run for the hills, while others might overreact and start a big fight.

Healthy relationships are sometimes lukewarm—and both parties need to understand that.12.

The willingness to choose “influencing” instead of “controlling.”This means that after saying something once, they let it go.

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Make a decision to stay involved if things are going well most of the time.

Manipulation is a way to covertly influence someone with indirect, deceptive, or abusive tactics.

Manipulation may seem benign or even friendly or flattering, as if the person has your highest concern in mind, but in reality it’s to achieve an ulterior motive.

Before I got married, I had dating down to a science. have was an understanding of what I was looking for. Many people tend to have an “all or nothing” mentality: they either want a relationship to be exciting all the time or else not at all.

I had the clothes I needed to impress a man, and I was an excellent conversationalist. In other words, dating with purpose is like interviewing someone for the most important role in his or her life as your partner. It takes effort, patience, self-discipline, and the wisdom of others who have gone through this process themselves and been successful.11. It is important to accept the fact that there will be days when the relationship seems very ordinary—even boring.

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